I know I’ve been like that before. When I fucked up my back I’d feel good and make plans and the next day I might be out for a week in bed. Then I’d feel good again and make plans. Rinse repeat.
My buddy was like this a bit ago and turned out he had cancer.
Yeah, I'd be reluctant to be too upset about this. Given the context that they've been loyal for 4 years and now they're flaking consistently, I be more worried and empathetic than anything else. Something's going on their life.
I wouldn't expect them to share their personal lives but I'd notice to shift in their pattern and get it. I've been there.
I'd be like, "I'm going to cheat on you for a bit but I want you to reach out to me when you're more able to take me back on. There's a $25 visa gift card waiting for you at your place of work and I'll be thinking about you and sending positive vibes your way. Stay strong, Love."
I cannot begin to be so attached to a massage therapist that I'd put up with 3 in a row cancellations. The whole point of a massage is to relax, not deal with last minute cancellations one after another.
Yeah, if this was a health issue that was gonna take awhile to recover, it's on them to clear out the calendar and get better, but most people can't afford that. I'm torn, I wish I was psychic and get the whole story.
I've been the receptionist who's had to make multiple cancellations for sick colleagues who didn't get better as fast as my boss said they would...
It's... not fun for anybody. Honestly OP is a god damn saint because even the nicest patients lose their shit by the third cancellation. Totally understandable but as someone who has no control over any of it and has to be the one to break the news it's my least favourite part of the job.
In OP's case though it sounds like the person they have the appointment with is the one cancelling, so they should have a better idea than I get at work where I have zero access to my colleagues' medical information.
I mean, even in that case while I'd have sympathy for the massage therapist, I still just can't understand OP's continued scheduling with this person. Even if you really love their massages, after the first two, just go somewhere else for a bit and come back when presumably the dust would have settled.
My wife's hairdresser did that for around 6 months. Then she announced she was quitting. Then passed away (she was 35 or so) a few weeks later. Sometimes it's excusable.
not technically a provider of a service but i remember having an instructor for a class i was really excited for, who NEVER graded my work, i think at one point he was 8 weeks behind on grading in a 16 week course. around week 14 i was annoyed bc the final was coming up and he hadn’t even graded my midterm yet… and then i got the email he had died. definitely changed my perspective on what I view as important vs what ACTUALLY matters at the end of your life
I don't know what happened to my OChem professor in college but the guy was a great professor, clearly loved the subject, very animated and busy (jumped on a desk at one point to properly display a chemical attachment), then suddenly 3 weeks before the end of the semester he disappeared. We were just told he was ill. He wasn't around the next semester either. The semester after that he finally came back and was a completely different person. People who took his class said he had to sit in a rolling chair and push himself back and forth in front of the board, pointing at things with a yardstick to explain things all while just seeming exhausting and tired.
I hope he's doing better now but it made me incredibly sad to know someone who was so happy and vibrant and active got hit with something so hard that all he could do was push himself around in a rolling chair while getting out of breath. Dude was dedicated to his subject.
yeah, it really threw me. weird thing, i barely knew him for 3 months, the class wasn’t even an in-person class so I only interacted with him digitally… and yet I think about him all the time
Yeah my friend’s therapist had a similar thing, but he knew she was wfh with cancer. She no showed one appointment and he feared the worst. The company he was going through wouldn’t tell him anything and just offered to pair him with a new therapist but he just didn’t think it was worth hopping again. He found her Facebook and found out she had passed a month or so after the incident.
This happened to me with a nail tech. She cancelled on me a few times and kept getting stuck with nail techs that weren’t as good at the job as her so I was frustrated. I immediately felt like the biggest 🫏 when I discovered she had an advanced stage of cancer. She passed soon after leaving her 3yr old son and husband behind. She was also very young 😔
This reminds me of a radio host from where I live who I noticed wasn't on the morning shows as much anymore. I thought she was moving on and had yet to announce it. She announced she had cancer to us the listeners shortly before her passing. I was so freaking sad! There was and elderly man who'd always call and talk crap about how she was never there anymore before we all found out. I hope he still feels guilty to this day about his treatment towards her. You just never know what people are going through.
Something similar happened to me. My psychiatrist cancelled my appointment and told me I would need a new psychiatrist bc he was retiring. I called like a week later to try and get some scripts written while I went through his recommendations for a new psychiatrist and it turned out he had died the day before. He had cancer and didn’t tell anyone but his close family and instead chose to work as long as he could to keep helping his patients
IMO it’s always excusable. If someone’s doing this, they’re doing it for a reason. Obviously this person is struggling. It’s as excusable for them to prioritise their wellbeing just as it’s excusable for a client to drop them due to the instability.
See this is why I love reddit most times.
Always empathetic and giving benefit of doubt as it should be the case. We don't live for too long. Don't hate and shit on people when you do not know their situation.
If you have to cancel more than twice, don't schedule yet another date. You don't need to get into your life story but say something vague enough to say you'll reach out as soon as you're able to.
I've had what I thought was a 3-day illness that kicked my butt and turned into 3 weeks. At some point you're going to lose credibility if you keep rescheduling and cancelling.
Curious if this is the same appointment being canceled repeatedly, or if OP has many regular appointments and this represents the subset that were canceled at the last minute.
So it's actually probably the vulva, because if your vagina has hair in it, you've got other problems and should probably do last removal or something more on permanent than waxing.
Yeah if I'm sick I never give another date, because I don't know if I'm going to be better by that point. I tell them I'll reach out to reschedule when I'm healthy.
We had a pet groomer do this a few times so I just bought my own clippers and do it myself now. My dog looks like a rat when I'm done but fur = shorter and that's all I wanted from the groomer.
I had a groomer no-show once, then stood me up on the follow up, then was late to the third attempt. I told her forget it, then she tried to charge me a cancellation fee. I told her I would see her in court before I paid a cancellation fee after she had wasted so much of my time.
Hell no. She tried to give me an excuse and then a sob story and I told her if she was hurting for money she should have been here when she said she would. I told her I definitely wouldn’t be paying and she could take me to court if she feels I’m liable.
One time I took a little too much off the top and had to stop there because I was laughing too hard to hold the trimmer steady. I trimmed the rest of her a few days later.
My friend did that once, just set the clippers way too short and went “oh no!” And just. Stopped. The poor dog had just a ton of fur and then a nearly bald stripe. It was hilarious
Get some training treats. Play with your dogs paws and reward them if they let you do it. Once they are used to it start doing it with the clippers out.
Getting consent also helps. My dog knows that once he pulls his paws away we’re done with trimming and I just try again another time. I think it’s the only reason he’ll sit for me for so long, because he knows I won’t force him to let me trim his nails.
I had this happen with my old hairdresser and that’s the story of how I learned to cut my own hair and saved a shit ton of money ever since.
Tbf she really did have serious health issues which I already knew. The issue was the salon she worked at who were crap at actually telling me when she was out sick. After I turned up for an appointment to find out she’d been out sick for two weeks they just hadn’t bothered to tell me I started cutting my own hair.
similar thing happened with my mom and i's hairstylist (i was like 3/4 at the time). I'm gonna call her L. she doesn't have health issues, but she got sick one time for a couple of weeks and the ulta she worked at just didn't tell my mom. one person finally told her but she admitted she wasn't supposed to. i think they delayed information when L stopped working there, there. good thing L and my mom had each-other's phone numbers by then.
ulta wanted us to be an Ulta customer, not an L customer.
That’s obnoxious. What appointment was it for? This happened with a therapist I had. It was awful. She’d also yawn a lot and seemed annoyed when I’d start venting (reason for appointment). Like I felt rushed.
I went to one who literally answered anything I said with "yeah, yeah, no definitely". I didn't have anger issues before seeing her but I sure did after those sessions.
Finally tried out therapy about a year ago. On like the 2nd session dude was like "you just need a girlfriend". I was kinda trying to get into and work on my deep-seated issues and childhood traumas and whatnot but home boy just wanted to prescribe me some pussy and then bail
mine flirted with me and told me I was too good looking to be depressed. I am assuredly not that good looking, maybe 5'7" 175lbs of pudge, like dude don't gaslight me when I'm in here for fucking panic attacks. Guy was an absolute clown. Panic attacks increased.
Had the same thing with dealing with grief after my grandfather passed away when I was a teenager- suffered from depression and had a hard time finding a reason to get out of bed let alone anything else. Two sessions in and the therapist I was seeing suggested me getting a job to take my mind off of my grief. Worked hard to follow his advice and now I'm burnt out and depressed.
Oh god I know the feeling.. if you're ever unemployed for a brief time you feel like a worthless POS, then you start working again and now you're just a worthless POS with a bit more money in your pocket. And personal wellbeing and self care just starts to fall by the wayside as you get burnt out and go thru the motions so you can earn your right to exist
Tried therapy and my therapist just wanted to talk about this boy I had been casually dating, and we had a healthy normal fun relationship, when I was there to talk about my trauma and mommy issues. I was like girl, I’m nosey too but I’m paying you more than I can afford!
I had one therapist tell me she was tired of hearing me talk about my issues, but wanted me to come back because she needed the money for her upcoming honeymoon.
I cancelled all further appointments after that, but she kept calling me, leaving voicemails berating me for "giving up" for months.
I finally had to call the office and tell them I didn't appreciate being harassed by this woman, and then the voicemails finally stopped.
Wholeheartedly agree with you. On top of one upping me all the time, this lady over shared constantly. I know more about her sexual preferences and sex life than I ever, ever wanted to.
I'm currently in school for psychology, and I hate hearing stories like this. I'm studying to be a therapist one day, and people like this (and the story above) are appaling. It isn't your responsibility, of course, but you could consider filing a complaint with their licensing board. You're absolutely right, people like should NOT be practicing.
Just be one of the good ones. Take your ethics class to heart, get good supervision, and keep a healthy balance in your personal life. 90% of bad therapists are that way because they are so overwhelmed by their own issues, lost sight of their ethical training, or burnout. As a therapist, your job is not to fix people or make them better. Your job is to help them identify what parts of their life or behavior are preventing them from moving towards healthy goals while maintaining hope and a healthy mind through awareness, self-reflection, and emotional regulation. Take that concept and apply it to yourself, and it's unlikely you'll harm your client because of poor boundaries, lack of expertise, or lack of empathy. Still plenty of room to have your own problems, but work on them because as long as you're managing them and honest with yourself as to how well you keep those problems out of the session, you'll be fine.
I’m so proud of you for advocating for yourself. It’s difficult to stand up to someone you hired to help sort yourself out. Good on you recognizing this wasn’t the relationship for you.
I hate that shit so much honestly. I know they think it's their way of empathizing or saying "I know what you're going through" but it's incredibly frustrating when a partner or family member etc can't listen to one single story that you tell them of something bad happening without pulling some longer story out their ass about how the same thing happened to them BUT WORSE! They're like sympathy junkies or something.
My mother was a serial offender at this growing up. She even took it to another level by trying to one up you when you were sick. If someone in the house was unwell, all of a sudden she'd start acting like she was really sick as well because it killed her that someone else was getting sympathy or being fussed over. You wouldn't hear a peep out of her then you'd walk into the room and it would cue these fake exaggerated coughing fits and her walking around all slouched over like she was at deaths door then she'd be back to normal as soon as no one was around.
That's got to be like the most toxic trait ever for a therapist to have holy shit, it would drive me up the wall.
I'm afraid to admit that I do this, and you're right, it is precisely my way of empathizing. I'm not trying to one up anyone or take focus away from their story but I know that's how it comes off, so I'm trying to break the habit. But for me it's less, "that happened to me but worse" and more "that also happened to me and here's how."
Yes, that is the normal human thing to do no matter how much the reddit people try to tell you it's a social blunder.
Narcissists aren't much of a fan of it, though. They will feel like you're trying to one-up them. And obviously it's unprofessional for a therapist to try to relate to people in this fashion.
Well, they both went in the same room and started talking to each other and it seemed to work, so I decided to run with it and just schedule them both for the same time each week.
My first one legit told me "you can't have adhd, your grades are amazing" After I told her how burnt out I am and how I've been struggling with symptoms my whole life
Ugh, I hate that. I have ADHD and a 4.0 in college. Don't let that give you the impression I'm on top of things, though. Just about every other aspect of my life is in shambles, but at least my grades are good lmao. It's like they think people with ADHD are immune to good study habits. The burnout is completely exhausting, though. The symptoms of ADHD affect every aspect of our lives, and its so hard trying to function like they aren't there. People think school is the only thing people with ADHD struggle with, but honestly, it's just the tip of the iceberg.
My most recent therapist asked me if I thought it was dramatic to call the police on my sons dad for kidnapping and abuse. She is no longer my therapist
Therapy is a tool to solve your problems. Venting will make you feel better, but if you're seeing a therapist about your problems, I think you'll need to do more than vent to see improvement.
A therapist should limit the affirmations and agreement while you vent. They're there to help you reevaluate the conflict and give you tools to better handle it in the future.
I had a therapist cancel my 2nd appt with her because in the 1st appt I mentioned I meditated. So a week later, hours before the 2nd appt, she cancels because she “needs more time to research meditation.” I’m like wtf and didn’t reschedule.
Actually that’s another reason why mine was annoying. Meditation is great. But like 3/4 of the appointment that’s what we’d do. It’s fine in small portions. Or to teach how to do it or whatever. But I need to talk too!!
I just meditated this morning. Very extra bad migraine day today and followed 3 guided meditations on YouTube. It was great. Actually really calmed me. The first one was 5 min and I was worried I’d be bored quickly but it flew by! I’m proud of myself because usually I’d be so impatient so I must be getting better at it.
Wife and I were doing some maintenance awhile back and our therapist I shit you not fell asleep in the middle of me speaking.
My wife and I just looked at each other, mouthed "is she sleeping" and sat there for a seconds in silence. Ultimately our laughing woke her up and we told her the session was done, to feel free to go back to sleep.
In a weird way it really helped. We laughed the whole way home.
same thing with two of my previous therapists. they'd be on their phone or writing emails while Im talking about child abuse. then i get the oh i have a family emergency bullshit. the last one cancelled 5 times in one month (twice a week appointments) before i gave up on her.
The NHS mental health service where I am made a mistake when I was a teenager that led to me waiting two years for an initial appointment (only even got one then by insistently chasing it up for weeks), and then after appt 2 my therapist was off sick for months. Then she came back and told me that my life fucking sucks so its no wonder im depressed sometimes. Absolute nonsense
had a therapist tell me therapy wasnt for venting as i was telling her about what i had been up to in the past week. like wtf is venting to you i cant even say what ive been up to how are we supposed to work on whats been going on? so weird
I had a therapist schedule me 3 months out (it was the "soonest" she could see me), and then cancel on me literally 15 minutes before the appointment. Didn't even try to reach out to me, I just got an automated message. I tried again, because she'd been lovely before, had to schedule months out again... and was canceled on AGAIN day-of. She never reached out and I just never tried to make another appointment with her.
Had another one that literally tried to give brownie points to my ex that cheated on me. "Well, at least he admitted it! That's good!" You mean when he was already caught and couldn't come up with a convincing enough lie on the spot and finally gave up by basically saying, "yeah, I don't have an innocent explanation for that?" That admission?
Was a horrible therapist all around, was clearly barely paying attention half the time, would get super basic details completely wrong in ways that made it obvious he was half-listening at best. Also tried really hard to get me to agree to have "one last talk" with my ex who I was already no-contact with. So weird.
My son’s therapist did the same sort of shit, canceling randomly last minute. One time he hurt his back, another time he was sick, another time he wanted to take his kids to the fair….? Every other appointment, it was always something. I think after the 4th time I gave it up, wasn’t helping anyway.
My hairdresser almost got me to quit too when I first started going to her. I hadn’t been going to her for a full year (going every 8 weeks) and she’d cancelled one me 3 times, all the day of. If it wasn’t such a pain in the ass to find a new one I would have quit her too but so far (knock on wood) it’s been 2 years and she hasn’t cancelled on me again.
I had a therapist who canceled 3/4 weeks a month. It was wild. He also compared me to Donald Trump at one point in a conversation not about politics (he was conservative so this may have been a compliment, but not to me lmao)
My nightmare. I'm a fucking yawner and it suuucks. It's not that I'm bored or even that tired, I just fuckin YAWN whenever. I yawn on my ADHD meds lmao.
But how? 3 months of canceled appts means 3 months of no revenue. Giving away another month of free appts to all the clients they missed presumably would be 4 months of no revenue. Probably they still have rent and other overhead.
I’m a massage therapist. Cancelling an hour before???? Very unprofessional. Obviously if she’s sick, she’s been sick. You have to give people a major heads up, especially if they’re traveling from out of town. I hate to say it, you might as well find a new therapist.
Dude it's just like earlier today I had to drive a family member in for a scope so he had to go under and so on. We get there at like 10:45, 15 minutes later Nurse comes out and says the doctor is running an hour behind to wait for a bit. 30 Minutes later hour and a half behind. 1 Hour after we got there doc finally shows. Mind you this is 15 minutes after they were already supposed to be going back for a 30 minute appointment. We ended up sitting there till about 2 when they finally called them back. An hour goes by nothing. Two hours go by and they finally come out and say we could leave so I had to sit there in that clinic for over 5 hours. Counting the drive over 6.
The best part the best part was when I was sitting there after they called them back this dude came in and he was like "Well I'm 20 minutes behind can I still get my appointment in?" and the nurse at the desk said "Normally sir we would have canceled you by now and told you get back on the waiting list but because the doctor is running behind THIS time we'll still let you do your appointment." I get you can't control what's going on around you but the fucking gall to bitch a guy out for running 20 minutes behind when you're 2 hours behind is just... god you're absolutely insufferable.
I had a doctor's appointment for 9am, I showed up 15-20 minutes early, talked to the nurse, sat down and puttered on my phone. At some point I realized it was 10:15 and wtf is the doctor?!?!
"Oh, he's running late but don't worry, there are only two patients ahead of you" The office opens at 8:30, how the hell are there two patients ahead of me? Also, where are they, since I was the only patient there.
About 11 I just said fuck it and left, if they can't be professional do I really trust them with my health?
It might be an anxiety condition they are suffering from
But after three cancels its not your job to cater for it anymore.
Just tell them to get back to you with a firm date if they want to rearrange, and if not, then at least you know where you stand instead of getting fucked about
I had the same last month. First i needed to cancel bc my kid got hurt at school and we need to go to the doctor with him ... last week i need to cancel again bc i'm sick ... but i didn't schedule the next appointement, i will wait that i'm totally healthy again, don't want to waste time of the other person
I work for a specialist.
1 of my 4 providers randomly called off from middle of January until June.
She sees about 11 patients a day. So many of them were understandably upset to be rescheduling so far out.
About 2 weeks ago I found out her mother went into hospice; and passed 7 days after she took the time off.
The 2nd of my 4 to be out right now? This is week 3 for her.
Found out last week she got into a T-boned accident and has been in the hospital!
I never judge anyone. You never know what’s truly going on!
Someone might be on the last petal to their flower.
I had a Zumba instructor who did exactly this, but we had been paying her up front (at her request), and she kept bailing. We finally just cut our losses and went with someone else. The sad thing was, she was an AMAZING instructor... when she showed up. I haven't found another instructor who made me enjoy class as much as she did, which is sad. But yeah, it's good to be a good human and understand that shit happens, but there comes a time to find someone else.
It sounds sketchy, but there’s a wild multi day stomach bug rolling through my school district and some teachers have had to take multiple days off as it’s run its course through their own families as well as their students.
If she’s going through what my friend is going through right now (also a massage therapist)- I hope you don’t take it personally. Having a kiddo with a serious health issue has upended her life and when school calls, she has to cancel her whole day and go. She’s losing money, losing clients, losing her mind.
Also the expectations from other people to get better is frustrating. The longer it takes, the sicker people usually are and that's when they need patience the most. Sometimes the situation isn't even improvable, you could be dealing with terminal cancer or hospice.
Clearly there is something going on in her life that is preventing her from keeping your appointments. Has she actually kept any appointments with you during these few months where she keeps canceling, or have you not seen her at all during this time?
If getting massages is that important to you, it’s probably time to look for someone else, at least for now. Four consecutive cancellations suggests she cannot currently provide you what you need. If her massages are that special or unique or whatever, just let her know to reach back out when she’s sorted through whatever is going on that is causing this unreliability, and you can try again then. You can do it in a nice way. It’s not about feelings; it’s about the business arrangement you have with her where you pay her to give you massages, simple as that.
Hey, if it's never been a problem it's probably a one time thing. Things in life come up all the time unexpectedly. Maybe it's a sick kid. Maybe they're sick themselves and thought they would be up for it. I feel like we don't give people enough credit for when shit happens. Poor communication on her part yes, but life sometimes gets in the way and even we can't anticipate when something bad is going to happen. Best of luck!
If my masseuse cancelled on me for health issues multiple times after years good relationship, I wouldn’t be complaining about not being able to get a massage.
You don’t deserve her. YTA!….oh, different place for that.
Have you asked about their health? Have you asked if you could reschedule vs just cancel? They have given some explanation that there are ill, this clearly is more than a cold.
It’s hard to care for others when you’re sick, better they cancel than do a bad job or over tax themselves.
Idk the lack of context might be making it hard for
me to find sympathy for OP.
I had a similar thing happen with someone I booked appointments with regularly. But I told them to take care of themselves and not worry about me, I'd be here when they were ready for clients again. They passed away. I'm glad I gave them grace and not a struggle.
As someone with major health issues; liver transplant and now failing kidneys, I have had to cancel on so many things that it breaks my heart and makes me just want to stop interacting with people so I don’t disappoint them. Every time I have to cancel I feel like shit because it happens a lot and how are they supposed to know it’s legit when it feels like it happens almost everyday?! If I were on the receiving end I’d be wondering if I was fucking lying too.
My dentist kept doing this to me. Sometimes they would call me to rebook then they’d fucking call again to rebook the rebook. It happened so much I just told them I’m done and quit them. I was so mad the last time they did it.
Yo. People in this thread: Unless your ideal time is spent rubbing some random stranger's back, don't judge OP's massage therapist for taking advantage of their job security to take time off when they need it. If the worst possible outcome of you not performing your job properly is somebody missing a massage, you can be sure as shit that your self-worth and well-being are more important than clocking in everyday regardless of how you feel.
And let me guess. You had to confirm your appointment 10 seconds after you made that appointment, then confirm it again a week later, and then confirm it again the day before?
4.2k
u/Sue_Generoux 12h ago
What, exactly, is this person cancelling? A haircut? A surgery? Context, please.